Tum kaun Ho?

sapne mein aati ho, but chehra nahi dikhati,

kaano mein kuch keh jati ho, par awaaz mujh tak nahi aati,

haqueeqat mein tum mere samne kyon nahi aati ?

Meri kalpana ho ,  ya ek sachhai,

meri annkho ka tara, ya ho meri parchai,

mujhe aake tum keon nahi batati ?

mein jab akelga sagar kinare baithta hun,

to mehsoos karta hun tumhe, hawa mein tumhari khushboo,

sagar ki lehro mein tumhari awaaz sunta hun,

is ehsaas ko poora karne tum mere saath kyon nahi aati ?

bheed mein lakho chehre dikhte hai, unme se ek charhra tumhara bhi hai,

aas paas, kahin door , na jane kahan,  man mein khwaab tumhare bhi hai,

tum kaun ho ? tum kaun ho ? tumhara intazaar mein ab tak ruka hun,

kisi mod pe mil jaogi, to kaise pehchanunga tumhe ? is sawaal ka jawab dene kyon nahi aati ?

Dance of Death

Iron Maiden – Dance of Death

I was rambling, enjoying the bright moonlight
Gazing up at the stars
Not aware of a presence so near to me
Watching my every move

Feeling scared and I fell to my knees
As something rushed me from the trees
Took me to an unholy place
And that is where I fell from grace

Then they summoned me over to join in with them
To the dance of the dead
Into the circle of fire I followed them
Into the middle I was led

These are the words from the song “Dance of Death”by Iron Maiden which came to life suddenly on wednesday night in Mumbai. Hell was spurred in Mumbai, Railway station, five starred hotels, hospitals,cinemas.Where will you run, hide from this, from the impending death that that comes your way, catches you unaware in your sleep and you wake up looking into an automatic gun rifle ? Al-quaeda? Lashkar? or Deccan Mujahedeen ? Who knows ? and Who Cares ? A terrorist is simply an object programmed to kill and all you have to do it is just kill it.He does not have a religion, or identity. He is like a formatted Hard Disk with the OS of death installed on it.

There is anguish, frustration,against this ghastly act of defiance by the faceless killing machines.The fact remains that even as I am writing this article on my laptop feeling safe in my office, I remember there are people fighting out odds against these terrorists for our safety.

I felt this insurgency was very similar to Kargil, where the enemy took the advantage by an ambush and climbed to the top, where it could have all the view.However,this was a much different terrain and it has its own challenges. Like kargil, this was a Mix of terrorists and a Professional force or probably only the members of the professional force. There was a lot of Money and months of clear focussed planning before this was done. It also bore similarities to the 1993 blasts. They were, most of the target areas in 93 were also in South Bombay and once again Refinery was one of the speculated targets which they missed even this time luckily for us.Also, the talks of Karachi connection due to the probable sea link gives a stench of an experienced schemer who is a fugitive of the previous blasts.Another thing that connects to the possible sea route is that, the speculations say that these people used the same route to enter India through which the RDX was brought into the country during the 1993 blasts, a place in coastal areas of Raigarh a notorious area known for smuggling.

On the contrary, there were a few arguments going around that say there was an Al-Quaeda hand in this. Many of such acts have been carried out in broad daylight. However these guys chose night to start the operation. Probably because the Americans watch their early morning televisions during this time, and there were a substantial amount of westerners in the hostages. Also, Nariman House being a Jewish establishment, and some of the Israelis being held hostage in Oberoi too, might not be mere coincidences.

There seems to be a Unison between the Forces of Terror(like Al-Quaeda, Lashkar-e-toiba,Indian Mujahedeen) who brought in the planning and money, the underworld (Probably the D Company and its allies), and some Rogue Government(Usage of Diplomatic Water Boundries for insurgencies).This is a warning signal for many countries like India, US, UK,Israel that probably they should unite otherwise United Forces of Terror will keep on plotting such attacks on their people.

Intelligence agencies world over have failed badly against these groups constantly.However, there needs to some solution to this highly complex problem. This is a time we need some change, a change that ensures that we walk free and without fear of being killed in any territory of the world.The Common man has to change his attitude and rise to the occasion.They need to sort the terrorists from the innocent themselves, they have to be more observant and they have to stop blaming the governments.They have to start thinking that their security is in their own hands.Above all they should come out and vote.They should pressurize the government, if possible change them,force them to implement the laws, force them to take stringent actions, whatever they might be. People should get more involved in the government and its processes, so go out vote, and bring in the change you want, be responsible for your own security, dont wait for NSG and Army to come and save you and to ensure no one comes strolling with a gun and pulls a bullet through your head for no reason at all.If fear is what they want to spread, let them be the ones who fear, you, me and the common man,because their strength is us, the fear, the common man, the weaker mass.

Broken Silence

I stood by the staircase,

at the end of the floor,

Facing the fast winds,

gazing blankly at the sky,

the grey froth it was,

open in parts,

lit by mild sunlight,

made it gold up above,

my silence made me numb,

made listen the noises around,

my ears were filled with those sounds,

of prayers,to Ram and Allah,

of vehicles that cluttered the road,

of crying babies,shouting men,

of flying birds,struggling against the hard wind,

of marriage band, of passing training plane,

suddenly each of these sounds were so vivid,

my whole mind was filled with them and i felt timid,

I stood patiently throughout the beauty of the scene,

because this small void in the daily schedule,

i could fill myself with the freshness,

and could feel the beauty even out of this urban jungle

The Search

My Life has been an endless search,

a search for you,

since the day you left,

I have been looking for you,

I roamed in streets of big cities,

with only hope in my heart and love for you,

I looked around the cyberspace,

just to find traces of you,

but you were never there,

I thought luck has permanently separated me from you,

I started going to people,

All I ended up searching in them were you,

I found in them the happiness, the shyness,the bubbliness,

the brown eyes ,the simplicity,that was in you,

but they all went away,far away,

maybe they all knew the search was not for them too,

Then we met, and again I was doing the same,

searching for you in you,

Then I found someone different,

Someone trying to be free,

someone running away from past,

and future is what you cannot see,

Maybe I am your future,

as I am coming to set you free,

maybe then my search will be over,

as then I will find freedom in thee.

My Own Space

My Own Space:
This word has gained a special importance in this world.Generally my own space refers to a part of your life which you don’t want anyone to
interfere with.When people do interfere, they are “barging” into it.Now,this phenomenon can be seen by the rise in the number of blogs itself. Blogs provide people their own space in the cyberworld where they can experss themselves without any bondage,except if your blog enteries refering to your old girlfriends are read by your parents .

The point here is, that the world is moving to an individualistic lifestyle.People fight for their “wajood” and struggle for not being a
face in the crowd.People now can live alone, on their own, make fake relationships,without emotions.They now have the ability to be maintain
singularity and to be taken care of by themselves and no one else.I too believe in having a separate identity for myself, but that does not make me unemotional, cold hearted guy who lives for his own sake.I still have humanity,humility,modesty and helfulness left in me.Although I have my own space, and I do get irritated when it is barged, I donot ask the person to get lost or get out.I am polite enough to say,sir,I regret to say that you have misunderstood my space as yours, so kidly oblige me to be alone here.

I am generally deprived of it because of my nature and job too.So I create my space by taking long lonely walks, keeping my cellphone off and just thinking about good things in my life.

There are two types to spaces people whom they call their own:
1. Individualism : In which you own your life and people around are merely strangers whom you call friends and are with them just for the sake of it.This thing comes out of ego which is more in people now a days.Due to the advent of IT jobs, people have lots of money to afford a lavish lifestyle, spending heavy sums over trivial things.Due to this change in lifestyle,they think they are superior to many but actually they are not.They end up killing their humility and become a “me”.

2. Loneliness : In this you are alone with no one to speak to you but that time is very short and very irregular, like once in a week.However,you are all by yourself and don’t think much about it. These people these walks as a refreshing break in their heavy schedule and welcome it be being cool and enjoying it.Once they are back from here they are refurbished with energy.

In my life I have come accross many people with different perspectives about their own spaces and have seen many people become individualistic.However, I have learnt to respect it, rather than barging into it and making people realize their individualistic potentials.

Falling in the Dark and The Road Less Taken

Some things remain with you for your whole lifetime.There are two things in my case.One is a dream,in which I kept falling into infinity,into the dark place made of I don’t know what,I don’t know where and I don’t know how.At the end of the dream,I just find my self holding my pillow or bedsheet holding very tightly and a heavy sweat over my forehead,with a tint of ache in my back and head.For some time now I have not been having that dream but I don’t want it to return it anyday again in my life.I tried to goto the past experiences,and tried to figure out when did I get those dreams.There have been many instances in my life,when I have been friendless and all alone.Not necessarily lost but definitely alone.I had suffered with this dream for the maximum number of times during my college days.In school It was very less.However, the last time this dream came I was really worried.That was the time I was 1 year into the Job.At that particular I got the real essence of the dream.I knew I was falling endlessly into darkness, and I didn’t know where my career was going.I didn’t know what to do to and what to achieve.Then one day, the day of biggest happenings, I am not sure about what date it was,I woke up to one of my long forgotten thought.Suddenly I found myself heading towards a direction which I found.

That thought was the road less taken.I saw this photograph somewhere.Some painter in some some art gallery had drawn it and I found it’s meaning after several years in a manner I least expected to discover it.In my studio test at NID I drew this drawing and the interviewer asked me what it meant. I was speachless, I just told it was a road less taken.Well, on the worst day of my life as I call it, I saw this picture hanging in someone’s home.It was the picture of two mountains,and a long endless road,whose horizon can be seen between the two mountain peeks.That was exactly what I had drawn in that studio test that day and what I had seen in my childhood.I knew them exactly what to do then and I then started an unending journey on that road.I never know whats beyoned that horizon for me,I just see it between the two peaks and I keep walking towards it.

That day onwards till date, I have never fell endlessly in darkness.

Put on your Running Shoes

Runnig is what I am doing now.Is it me, no its my life.I have put a nice pair of Nikes and Running Like Milka Singh,the flying sikh.The pace at which it is moving is reackoning and breakneck.From work to projects to settlement of the company matters.Everything is happening so fast that I don’t realize where I am going.I am just running endlessly trying not to get tired and streching my 100 mts to infinity gradually.

This has led to opening of new avenues and new directions where I can run towards.It so happened that when I saw was watching “Forrest Gump”, I saw Tom Hanks running endlessly without relizing where he is going and what an amazing feat he is achieving.I dont know if I am like him becuse I don’t know whether what I am achieving is big or not or even it is an achievement or not.It all depends how people around you rate your success,or whether they even consider it.

I want to run till I satisfy my hunger, my hunger for achieving more,hunger for living life in a larger way and a very special hunger. A desire to see each person in the country to wake up to a dawn where every person can wake up to their dreams and achieve it,where everyone can be fearless,hold the head high and walk proudly, stand by what ever they want.Hope is what we should always see,a hope for everyone’s aspirations,a silver lining in the cloud for everyone in this world.

I hope my running shoes last that long !!!

On love and Hate

Looking at the pages of my life…as one of the song of Bon Jovi says, thank you for loving me, I was also doing the same one day. I was also turning the pages of my past and looking at the ones who loved. Just wanted to thank everyone for loving me so much.I always gave away the love of so many friends and was sparsely in touch with them. All this time I have been running after people who either went away without a word or never expected and accepted me in this image of a person who could love them throughout the life,or could bring his heart out to keep them happy.I do it for each and every person I know and I do it because I cannot hate.God has sent me in this world to spread love,humanity and humility. Thats what I feel my mission in my life too is.As I always say, my selfish motive in this life is to see each and every person in this world happy.The innocent smile of a 5 year old, makes my day,and the sight of happy people makes me feel nice towards life. Sometimes I feel life has been unjust to me in many ways by not giving so many things I always wanted to.However, at the same time I do feel it has given me so many things to be happy for.A lovely family,a nice group of friends and such a nice life to be happy about.Although some people have given me valid enough reasons to hate them, I still do not hate them.Hate is like a snowball,it gets bigger and bigger with everyturn.Every passing moment, every action and every small spec pf hate will lead to a big mountain of hate which in turn will gradually make the human inside you to commit suicide.Forgetting and moving on seems very tough to people but thats the way of life for me.I dont want to make the human inside me kill himself with his own hands.I want him to spread smiles,happiness,hope and a message of love.Now on love I would say, it is like a chain reaction.You can pass it to as many people as possible and they will inturn spread it as a message.
I believe the actions of people depends partially on their attitude(which constitutes their upbringing,past and the mindset) and mostly on the kind of situation they are in now.

This I am saying because I believe that life is a continuous process of metamorphosis.The events throughout our lives, shape who we are and thats how I come back again to my post on destiny.

Thats what destiny does to us !!!

The Taste of Freedom

Nowadays I am asking this question to everyone.Why? Well I am just free from the cruches of an Indian IT Services company and now I am a free bird.This means we are free to leave this job anytime we want without the fear of company chasing us down to extract a huge chunk of money from our a**es.

15 th August is a day when the world’s map changed in a major way.A nation of underdogs was born on that day.Well on the same day in the year 2005 we declared and signed our way to slavery of an Indian IT company.What began then was an endless roller coaster of corporate world.A journey through immense storms and tsunamis,and I have been standing solid like a rock trying to adjust myself.I failed actually, to make a place here,and hence I am trying to create a space of my own.

Well, coming back to the topic, we celebrated our liberation with the whole country and we decided to do it by going on a trip. We organized a trip to Nagarjuna Sagar Dam and the nearby waterfalls.

After all the delays despite our “Flawless” planning we started at 7:30 in the morning from Hyderabad.The drive was a full countryside view of Andhra Pradesh, which I had not been to till now. Surprisingly, in the place we stopped for breakfast,was a small town, almost a village,only it had some shops because of a regular highway,the people knew Hindi.The drive was smooth as I was looking at the scenery outside and flipping through the pages of a Ruskin Bond classic.

We had a nice time pulling each other’s leg on the way to the place.We halted at the west of the dam and looking at people playing there we also descended to play and click photographs.

We then proceeded to the main dam.When we reached there, the gates of the dam opened the water came out gushing at a monstrous speed raving and creating a huge white froth in the atmosphere immediate to the dam gates.What a breathtaking beauty it was.We stood there in amazement as we saw 8 gates open to the full capacity and water getting fiercer than ever.

We were cursing the weather as it was hot as compared to the previous days and continued in our journey further. Then we took a boat ride to Konda, a river Island of archaeological importance.A number of remains and relics were found there.

That journey took a toll on us as sun was hammering our heads with heat and the boat took it too long to reach the island.Also we were standing as there were a huge number of people interested in looking at the island(rather eat chicken biryani and drink whisky on the boat) which unfortunately offered nothing much special.Then last but not the least we went to the last spot of the day, the illuminated water falls, a beautiful place to be.The place was very nice and each one of us were wishing we had come here earlier rather than going on the boat ride.

In the return the dark had taken over the skies and when we passed in front of the dam for the last time, we saw a scene which we will never forget for whole of our lives.The froth generated from the water falling from the dam made a cloud of suspended water in the air and it looked as if it still, as if someone has  paused this cloud and it is lying suspended in the air.

It was silent journey back home but in the end we had great memories to cherish on our “Independece Day”.

The Beach

We sat there,watching the sun geting extiguished in the endless sea.The families were enjoying the careless moments of their lives.Nobody thought about the future to come.There was an odd sound here and there.However,silence was majorly broken by the mean sea. It was roaring to tell my feelings. I was like a lake on my face but was like a rough sea inside.

Rough it was and it was crying out loud and said all that I was supposed to say.But she turned a deaf ear to the voices, both of the sea and my eyes, who spoke most of my heart without a word. Her eyes were firm and my feelings rebounded from there.

As the sky turned black and moon came up,I saw something amazing.The god used his brush to paint one of the most beautiful and breathtaking scenes in my life.The moonlight shone on the dark waters of the rough sea, as if the god had made that scenery in his most spare time with utmost care.

Thiruvanmiyur beach it was, one of the most beautiful places I have ever visited. I was attracted by its serenity. It was the most peaceful place in the stressfilled city.Just go there and toss your worries in the vast ocean.

Hat’s off to you god for creating such a beautiful place.